PREMA JYOTHI - Newsletter of the Prema Trust and Sacred Earth Community – March 2026
Kia Ora Whanau
This month we are diving deep into a subject that is both personal and universal. The saying ‘As above, so below’ comes to mind when considering this topic, considering the cosmic scale of contraction (creation) and destruction(dissolution). We might also state that what occurs inside our hearts and minds is reflected in our outer life. Without further ado, let us plunge into the topic.
Construction – how we build ourselves and our lives
We have constructed ourselves for so long – lifetimes. We have built our castles and our mansions. We have even built our shacks and hovels. Gradually and carefully we have created the person we think we are and then placed ourselves into that person.
This process is painstaking, and it relies upon the ego for motivation. We become the one that we think we are, whether that be a super-hero or miserably weak; a highly intelligent genius or an ignoramus; a loving father, mother, friend, etc. or a cold and cruel loner. Whatever we feel we are, we have constructed in the mind first, then placed ourselves into that construction. Soon it becomes our own reality.
It also can become the reality that we see around ourselves, so powerful is the focus we have given to this constructed personality.
However, there comes a day when the Atma (Divine Self within) says “ENOUGH’ and inevitably we find ourselves in crisis. This is a crisis of our own making (although we usually do not realise this and see the origin as external, blaming others, blaming circumstances or even sometimes blaming God). The purpose of this crisis is to shock us into reconsidering our lives and purpose.
There are those whose construction of themselves is endless crises (or one endless crisis). For those benighted ones time is their only saviour. The organism (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) cannot sustain living in crisis for a long period. We either leave the body or seek another response.
Others of us feel comfortable in our own constructions until crises occur. Such crises are blessings in disguise. They may be health crises, relationship crises, work crises or the crisis may come from another source, such as a major accident. I have a friend who was living the ‘good life’, partying, taking drugs and alcohol, promiscuouity, etc. He had created an image of himself that was hedonistic and focused on the senses. However, one of his passionate pursuits led to a radical shift in his perspective on life. After a serious motorbike accident, he had surgery. During the surgery he found himself outside the body, experiencing a samadhi state wherein he felt he was everything and everything was him. When he was resuscitated, he found himself back in the body with tears streaming down his face for the loss of that pure state of consciousness. This was a crisis but a blessing, turning his life to spirituality. It was then his heart turned to India, and he began to study the teachings of the Masters, namely Ramana Maharshi and Nisargadatta, eventually leading him to Prasanthi Nilayam and Sathya Sai. This is where he and I met and I heard his story. Crises may not necessarily so dramatic. They may be that that we are simply faced with a decision about who we want to be. This type of crisis can also turn into a shift in our lives.
If we are blessed, sometimes we may meet the One who is able to lead us out of the mess our lives appear to be. But facing such a nexus in our lives can create incredible fear and resistance in our being. This fear arises from ego, which constructs our conception of ourselves. I have known people who, on meeting Sathya Sai, have literally run miles to get away from the challenge He gives us. To stay in the presence means recreating the one that that we perceive ourselves to be. How does this come about?
There is a sense of being confronted with the possibility that our life’s construction is a ‘house of cards’ that is so fragile that, to lose that image of ourselves, means that will be cast adrift from all that we have constructed ourselves to be. We like to create a sense of firmness in the foundations of our lives. In this way, the challenge the spiritual master brings is a perfect mirror. Many times, we don’t like what we see in that mirror.
We spend our lives constructing this personality, only to see our conception of ourselves, our being and our life (internal and external) challenged by the purity of the atman (Self) that is our very nature. This ‘confrontation’ often scares the hell out of us.
Destruction - the process of surrendering
To such a confrontation, there are two possible reactions – fear or surrender. Our fear is born from the sense of losing this castle we have created for ourselves. We have invested all our energy, our thoughts and desires – physical, mental, and emotional focus into our construction, forgetting that we are more than all this life we have created. To be challenged by the idea that this construction might be false, our creation a castle built on sand, is natural, for we have poured our life force into this place that we deem precious. Now that conception is being challenged - losing everything is too fearful to contemplate.
Our construction may be built from pride, the ego’s greatest ally. Such pride tells us that we are great, wonderful, God’s gift to humanity, etc. It can also be constructed with the opposite sense – that we are mean, lowly, too stupid, too inferior to amount to much. Such a sense may be a product of our personal history, but it may also be one that we have been born with, carried over from past lives. Either way, this egoic tendency (I am great. I am useless) is termed Vasana in Sanskrit. We have vasanas we have created through out life, or those we are born with.
To surrender, is to recognise that there is something beyond that which we believe we are. It is not an external surrendering, but an inner deconstruction of our own perception of ourselves. In my experience, it is a process, often long and difficult, often painful (but with glimpses of joy).
I would like to share with you my experience in my early days with Sathya Sai. On my first visit the ashram (called by His Grace) I was one of those who saw myself as low, full of faults and failings, and unworthy in the extreme. Sai held up a mirror (or was the mirror, I am unsure) and I hated what I perceived to be me. I didn’t like it and was often fearful. However, somewhere within was a wise person who said (silently) ‘Hang in there, stick it out, find a way’. By His grace I did find that way. Sai was so incredibly ‘Divine’ and I felt incredibly worthless. So, on the first visit I struggled to look Him in the eye when He came close. How could I. He is the almighty, I am a worm. This is what it was like for 6 weeks.
After travelling to the UK and living there for a year, I returned to India. On the journey back, I made a resolution to myself. I resolved that when Sai looks at me, I will look at Him and smile. This was all well and good, when I got to the ashram I struggled to keep to my resolve. Sai would come very close. (There were fewer people coming there compared to the later years) and somehow, I did. It was difficult, it was uncomfortable, but somehow, I knew it was necessary and I managed to persist despite the tendency to look away and run to the ‘safety’ of my inner construction. I would look at Him and He would look at me. Somehow, I survived this. Still quaking inside but persisting.
Near the end of my stay, I made an even more challenging resolution. One morning I woke up and thought, “I must speak to Him. I am leaving in a couple of days, and I need to attempt this, however difficult it may be.”
Trying to hold fast my intention, I went down to the mandir compound (where we had Sai’s darshan). I found a place in the front line and prayed – hard!! I did not pray for anything but courage. I knew I had to do this, but that did not stop the fear and anticipation within, but I held tight to the deep desire to talk to Him.
Although I had sat in a place where He didn’t normally walk past, He came straight out of the mandir (where He stayed) straight towards the part of the crowd where I sat. The excitement and the fear arose within my heart. As He was walking towards me, my courage faltered. “I can’t do this”, I thought. He walked up the line of people and right past me. “That’s it”, I said to myself. “My chance has gone. I am too full of impurity, too small for Him to bother with.”
But Grace was to meet me that day. He moved up the row and took a letter from a man further down. Then, miraculously, He turned and started to walk back towards me! In that moment somehow the courage arose again within the heart. As He was walking past, I said in a very soft and quaking voice, “Swami”. He turned and looked at me, and I felt the full force of His love. I felt that He was a mother who’s child had overcome a deep difficulty that he had been struggling with. (This really was the scenario.)
“Swami, leaving Sunday” I blurted out. “Sunday?”, He questioned in that lyrical voice. “Yes Swami.” “Good” was His response (At least I think that is what He aid – I was in a state of shock for my temerity to even try to speak to Him. He turned to walk on when something arose within me, something that seemed to have no origin in my mind but arose from a deeper place. “Swami, could I have an interview please.” Such audacity on my part!
He turned with a beautiful smile, placed his palm gently on my cheek and said the beautiful words, “Yes, yes. I will give.” At that moment, I relaxed inside my being. There was a sense that this was done. Somehow, I had surrendered to the resolve, to the flow and all was accomplished in that flow. Inside, I was sure that He would call me for an interview, which He did that afternoon.
Thus began the long process of deconstruction that has continued to this very day. Slowly, the image of who I was that had held for lifetimes – “I am not good enough. I am unworthy.” – began to melt way at the edges. If we can begin to surrender our grand castles, or our mean hovel, and emerge into the truth of who we are – simply Love, we can realise the Truth of our own Self – pure Oneness. - Satyavan
